4th of July dinner

I haven’t spent many holidays with my parents and my brother in the past few years. This was the first 4th of July and it was awkard. I met my brothers girlfriend for the first time. She was polite. He seems to love her. But I saw two red flags but they won’t care. I was hoping to talk to her more so I could convince her to get my brother to see my grandma and great grandma. But never happened…. Will see happens.

Another coffee shop 

So another coffee shop had a barista fired yesterday for sexual harssing a women. But I was told by one of my close co workers that they one being is accusing is a gay male. I know there are many forms of sexual harassment as my dad pointed out earlier in a phone conversation today. But it just doesn’t seem like this person would do such a thing. Don’t get me wrong I have gone to my manager because I don’t think he’s polite on the floor. But I don’t like when someone gets wrongfully accused. I just don’t know what to do. I also think there is nothing I can do. I’m only one girl. And if what I’m hearing is true that they just wanted him fired I hate the sound of that. Because his current assistant store manager will become my manager this summer until December only temporary but I would hate to work with someone like that. I just hope everything gets taken care of peacefully.

Work crush 

This guy is perfect at least what I know about him….. But hes in a committed relationship and he’s happy. So why would I be the person to mess that up? But I just think could there between something between us. Because I feel like we flirt back and forth. Maybe I imagine it because I have a stupid crush on him….. Or is it stupid?

The feeling of fear 

I saw a man that looked just like him and I thought it was him. I was going on my lunch break and I turned my head quickly and almost screamed. I truly thought he came to my place of work for some reason to talk to me? Or to ask me something…anything. But it wasn’t it him. When I realized it I feel like my heart broke more. Because I wished it was him. I just want him back in my life but he doesn’t want me. This “new” girl makes me happy for now until he finds a new girl. But I just wanna be his one and only.

If i could turn back turn time – Cher 

If your like me and my roommate we enjoy those award shows. Cher won the icon award but she’s an obvious winner because she’s been around for so long and done a lot for her career, is extremely talented. But that’s not the point of this. When I heard her very famous song “If I could turn back time” it just makes me think. I know its impossible to do. Also my therapist says its not healthy to not want to do that what happens in life is meant to be. But I just think if I could turn back time I could try and prevent what broke me and him. And we could have had a future. But I know there’s a reason why were currently not. Maybe like he use to say that will find our way back to each other. Or maybe I’ll find someone else. Or even im just meant to be a “fur mommy” and don’t get me wrong I would love that to…. But in the back of my head I want him.

Cool breezy walk 

While I’m walking my puppy I’m just thinking how I wish you would just drive up or walk up… Just right behind but I should also know that’s not gonna happen. I smell the fires burning and I think about nights we would sit outside or in my car just smoking cigarettes. He’s the one that got me to start to like them. Yes I know what anyone, everyone thinks it’s true there bad for you. I just wish he come running up behind me like he use to.

Feeling lost 

We were together for seven years. Yes there were lies and hurt but we had fun and we fell in love. And I know I should be happy you didn’t call, text or even look for me when you got out of prison but like what the hell……. We’ve been through so much and nothing. I find out from your best friend and you’ve been out for almost a week already. I just wonder how you are, are you happy with whoever you are dating. Because I know I made you happy most of the time. I know I stopped talking to you but I had to deal with a lot of personal things. But you said we’d always find our way back to each other. I feel like I’ll never hear from you or see you again. Its breaking my heart even more then all the times we broke up. I love you loser whether anyone wants to believe it or not.